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TOPIC: ENJOYING X_MAS PARTY WITH CLASSMATES

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1 TOPIC: ENJOYING X_MAS PARTY WITH CLASSMATES on Fri Jan 21, 2011 6:25 pm

em_hoc_ngoan

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Hôm nay cô giáo em ra đề thế này: TOPIC

"You're enjoying a xmas party with ur classmates on xmas' eve. Describe what u r doing and what u see going on around u"


Em làm như sau:

It's a cold night in the centre of Da Nang city. I'm enjoying a xmas party with my classmates on xmas' eve. I'm very happy so I go onto the balcony of my friend's house to enjoy a view.Now, s begin to shine bellow me. The street are crowded with people and transportation. All lights are turned on and the road is crowded.The air is pleasant. From my balcony, I can see Han river with a colorful and beautiful bridge. Looking out onto the street, I feel excited because it's full of people. The people are walking and enjoying a xmas party. Children are playing together, they are dancing hiphop with animated music.Lovers are hand in hand and sitting on the beach to chat together. On the pavement, there are tea shops which are full of people. It looks like people from different ages and nationalities are over there. It draws a magnificent picture of the most awesome beautiful city in the World

.


hết rồi đấy ạ.

Các anh chị xem và sửa giùm giúp em nhé! em xin rất cảm ơn ,hihi

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Ôi hay thế nhỉ. Sửa lại nhé
Now, the stars begin to shine bellow me

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muathuvang

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Ban nay viet au? qua'. tai sao lai la my balcony, vua noi la o? nha ban. bay gio lai. bao? my balcony. het' biet'

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ối dzời ơi! viết thiếu và quên mất. Thế hok bik có được điểm không nhỉ.

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tinhcadumuc

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Theo anh thì em sẽ được 4 điểm thậm chí ít hơn vì nếu cô giáo chấm về thì của các động từ em dùng thi coi như bài viết bỏ đi. hehehe. Ngoài ra bài viết của em rời rạc, các ý chả liên quan gì đến nhau, ngộ nhận nhiều thứ.

It's a cold night in the centre of Da Nang city.

It was a cold night in the city centre of Da Nang vì đây là kể lại

I'm enjoying a xmas party
with my classmates on xmas' eve.

I was enjoying a party with my classmates on the Xmas' eve.

I'm very happy so I go onto the balcony
of my friend's house to enjoy a view. (the view thì đúng hơn)

2 câu này chả có gì liên quan đến nhau cả, hạnh phúc thì sao,mà ra đứng ban công thì sao.lolz.

Now, the stars begin to shine bellow me.


----------Chưa nghĩ đến------------


The street are crowded with people and transportation. All lights are turned on and the road is crowded.
The air is pleasant.
2 câu này lặp từ crowded

-------chưa xét-----

From my balcony, I can see Han river with a colorful and beautiful bridge. Looking out onto the street, I feel excited because it's full of people.

Không phải ban công nhà em nhé. Mà buổi tối làm sao mà thấy được colorful bridge, xạo quá trời.

The people are walking and enjoying a xmas party.

The people ở đây là ai đấy, walking mà enjoy được party à, lại xạo nữa

Children are playing together, they are dancing hiphop with animated music.

Lovers are hand in hand and sitting on the beach to chat together.

lạ nhỉ, đêm giáng sinh mà ngồi dưới bãi biển, chat, thế mới lãng mạn

On the pavement, there are tea shops which are full of people.

It looks like people from different ages and nationalities are over there.

Ở đâu mà nhiều quốc tịch thế, chỗ đấy hay đấy

It draws a magnificent picture of the most awesome beautiful city in the World

Còn quá sớm để nói những cảnh tượng ấy làm nên một awesome city in the world, thực tình trông nhốn nháo thế mà gọi là đẹp à

Trên đây là một số comments chứ chưa phải bài sửa, mong em đừng thất vọng về bài viết, dù sao thì em cũng có nhiều ý hay nhưng mà trình độ chưa đủ để triển khai ý tưởng.

kí tên: tình ca du mục

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em_hoc_ngoan

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HIc, anh phe binh gi ma ac liet the nay chac em chet mat. diem kem mat roi, huhu Like a Star @ heaven

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nguyetngan

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Hi bạn em học ngoan,mình đọc bài viết của bạn cũng thấy hay mà sao lại bị comment nhỉ...mình cũng mới bắt đầu học viết essay..thấy Descriptive Essay and Narrative Essay cũng khó thật..

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8 kem qua kem qua kem qua on Mon Jan 24, 2011 10:44 pm

em_hoc_ngoan

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uh,thuc tinh minh viet chua duoc. pan. ah, thay anh du muc anh ay nhan xet dung qua', hi',minh viet chua co' du? bang co' gi het, ho chua thay thanh pho minh dep. co gi chua duoc. ban comment va giup minh viet lai. nhe, thankiu ban.

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nguyetngan

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Sẵn đây bạn tình ca du mục cho mình xin comment bài viết của mình với.Mình mới học viết essay thôi.Cám ơn bạn trước nhé!
_mình đặt tên bài viết của mình là "My own story" hihi.
My Own Story
Is there anything happened to you which makes you remember entire of your life? Personally, I got my own story which left me unforgettable memory and made me realize how my true feelings was to whom I almost had lost.
It happened many years ago when I was a little girl on grade three in primary school. At that time, a nine -year -old girl like me didn’t still awake to everything surrounding me of the real life and got silly thoughts also because of that which made me regretted then. I well remembered the school lesson of that day as my teacher asked us to give a small talk about our beloved father in front of class.
I was so excited when we were asked for this because Dad is the one I was “favorite” most. It meant I just considered him as a best friend of mine and never felt loving him or something like that...But now I think I was favorite on him because probable simply he took me school and pick me up everyday, he did everything which I wanted him to do for me such as buying new dolls or lovely toys whenever we dropped by the toy stores after school. I felt it’s not difficult at all for me to talk about my dad. I almost well knew about him and learned by heart all of things about him which he used to tell me. I started to draw out his image in my mind and made ideas ready up for my talk. Standing on stage now was Nhu Thuy. She was talking about her father passionately. Her father was a head doctor in a big hospital. When she finished her talk, all class started to clap to praise for her having a wonderful father like that. And next turn was me; I stepped up on the stage and started my talk with” My Dad is a wonderful person. He is a worker in a big factory….” Suddenly, the class burst into laugh…I didn’t know why. I tried to repeat my words ” yes, he is. He is a worker in a big factory” and now the laugher was louder. I was so confused;I finished quickly my talk and came back to my seat.Siting motionlessly on my seat, I listened carefully to the rest of the class talking about their Dad. It went on so noisily about their father’s successes. From time to time all I heard as their Dad had become a head doctor, professors, or, at least a medical employee. I realized that my Dad “had not made it…”.I thought he was a failure.
My bad time was when I came home from school. I said no words with anyone. My parent thought I was teased by someone at school. After dinner, Dad and I usually watch my favorite cartoon show but that night I didn’t. He tried to make me join with him but It made me angrier at him .”What’s happened to you, NguyetNgan? Who made you feel bad? He asked .”It was you” I said in breaking voice and hadn’t thought to prepare reasonable explanation .”What was me? What are you talking about”? He looked at me seriously .”Dad, it was something else I wanted to ask you ” ”why are you a worker? Why are you doing that job?” You make me feel ashamed…you know” .I thought he would be furious with me but he didn’t. He looked away as if he realized the deeper problem after all. I said to my Mom all happened in the class today.
From that on, I was not attached to my Dad more like I used to. He knew the feeling of the little daughter and didn’t want to disturb me more. He still took me to school and picked me up as usual but no words between us; I avoided looking straight to his eyes. Once afternoon when school time was over, I was waiting for him to pick me up home. It was too late, but he still didn’t come up. I became angrier at him with no reason, not really because he was late; I didn’t know why I was like this. After then, my aunt arrived to take me home; I wondered why my Dad didn’t pick me up today . ”Why didn’t my Dad come to pick me up, aunt? Why did he let me stand still here so long?” I asked curiously. “He was the hospital; he got an accident in the factory, my dear “she replied. At that moment, my eyes seemed to be darkened and there was roaring in my ears; a regretful feeling overwhelmed in my mind but I didn’t let tear show.
Night after night, when I was at home watching my favorite cartoon show alone, I was not interesting on it more .I felt I missed my Dad a lot . ”Aunt, can you bring my daddy back home for me? Said to aunt .”He was serious condition and need an operation my dear “she replied. I was so worried about him and I wept myself out.
Counting this day was four days from the day he got accident. I went home from school so early this afternoon. Mom called home from hospital; she told my aunt to take me there to visit Dad.
Getting into a slightly cold room with everything in white, I saw my Dad lying motionless on bed; the bandage was covered in his head, his arm and his legs also. I sat looking at him in silence. I lift up Mom’s eyes and asked “What was wrong with Dad, Mom? Why doesn’t he come back home with me? “I asked but didn’t expect her answer. Suddenly, he woke up probable because of my noise. Looking at him, I burst into tear. I cried .Dad looked at me with compassion, gently touched my hair with his fingers . ”Listen, my daughter “he said “there’s nothing to cry about. I’ll soon be backing home .I’ll be alright. Don’t worry about anything”. At that moment I realized how important he was to my life. My love for Dad was developed deeply.
How many years have passed since then! I shall never forget that story .I had learned my lesson, however, just knew how Dad’s existence was worth. Whoever my Dad is ,he is the only one gives me complete love from the bottom of his heart.


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10 Re: TOPIC: ENJOYING X_MAS PARTY WITH CLASSMATES on Mon Jan 24, 2011 11:45 pm

nguyetngan

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Mình không biết dùng mấy cái chức năng trong forum,nên mình không post được ngay hàng nữa..chắc là mấy bạn không đọc được nhỉ.Để mình thử post lại.

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