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Writing an essay 1

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1 Writing an essay 1 on Sun Jan 08, 2012 12:21 pm

Here below is one example of an IELTS essay written by a candidate, let's cut it open . I found that this is not a good writing though some things to be learned still .

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1. People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.



People attend colleges or universities for a lot of different reasons. I believe that the three most common reasons are to prepare for a career, to have new experiences, and to increase their knowledge of themselves and the world around them.

Career preparation is becoming more and more important to young people. For many, this is the primary reason to go to college, They know that the job market is competitive. At college, they can learn new skill for careers with a lot of opportunities. This means careers, such as information technology, that are expected to need a large workforce in the coming years.

Also, students go to colleges and universities to have new experiences. This often means having the opportunity to meet people different from those in their hometowns. For most students, going to college is the first time they’ve been away from home by themselves. In additions, this is the first time they’ve had to make decisions on their own. Making these decisions increases their knowledge of themselves.

Besides looking for self-knowledge, people also attend a university or college to expand their knowledge in subjects they find interesting. For many, this will be their last chance for a long time to learn about something that doesn’t relate to their career.

I would recommend that people not be so focused on a career. They should go to college to have new experiences and learn about themselves and the world they live in.

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2 Re: Writing an essay 1 on Sun Jan 08, 2012 12:27 pm

1.
People attend college or university for many different reasons (for
example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why
do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons
and examples to support your answer.

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the question here is using our arguments to show the reasons for people to attend college or university / the topic has given in advance 3 major reasons : new experience, career preparation, knowledge need). Are there any other additional reasons to be added?....I guess not or at least I can finish my writing with that backbone. (3 reasons). In case I can not think of any supplementary reasons. Ok. let's get it started right now.
----------------------------------

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3 Re: Writing an essay 1 on Sun Jan 08, 2012 12:53 pm

Code:
First of all is the Introductory message for the essay: (required: short, focused and generic). A good introduction should embrace at least these keywords: university, going to university/college ; some reasons ; benefit; learning/studying. Let's take the below work as an example:new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge


In today world, studying has become significantly important to everyone for the pursuance of successes in their lives. In many channels to keep update with the knowledge, many people choose to attend university or college. From many perspectives, having an academic education in those places supposed to benefit learners in many aspects: gaining experiences, having career preparation and increasing knowledge.



Last edited by osamahiep on Sun Jan 08, 2012 1:02 pm; edited 4 times in total

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4 Re: Writing an essay 1 on Sun Jan 08, 2012 1:00 pm

Code:
now, we have finished the introductory part . you can see that it is very simple and neat. To the examiners, that is enough. We continue with the Body Part of your essay. In this part what we should do is to develop the ideas that have been introduced in the first part. Let's get started with idea #1 :

GAINING EXPERIENCE

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5 Re: Writing an essay 1 on Sun Jan 08, 2012 1:10 pm

what is the experience to be learned while studying at university/college?

if they exist, they should be something like :

- Being in an community, sense of belonging: sense of community, be part of something, experience with social lives, party, picnic, independence, decision making, self made/control, look after, self take care, communication, to be put in a group, group work, team work, MORE Sociable. Responsible holding the ball of responsibility. building up characteristics as well by having friends, build up a network : for further : but this may be for career preparation (be careful) (set it for that ok)

- Ok after those keywords, we should find the more academic word choice (dictions) for our #1 idea development.


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6 Re: Writing an essay 1 on Sun Jan 15, 2012 2:06 pm

* Experience:
To many people, experience gained during their university/college period is precious and beneficial. Being in a community like a university could be the first-hand experience to many freshmen from where they could learn the sense of belonging and social life. By mingling themselves in activities like a picnic, party or group study participants could be trained to decision making skills, self-management and co-operation. Additionally, studying and experiencing a community like a university/college helps build good characteristics such as being more responsible, sociable and independent.

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7 Re: Writing an essay 1 on Sun Jan 15, 2012 11:43 pm

Code:
I have finished the first goal for studying at university. Let's move on to the next extension: [b]

Having career preparation

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8 Re: Writing an essay 1 on Sun Jan 15, 2012 11:46 pm

it's 3 in the morning. I supposed to be sleeping.

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9 Re: Writing an essay 1 on Fri Jan 20, 2012 6:58 pm

Career Preparation: - include what : knowledge (expertise) of the major,
skills, and building up a network,friends, future partnerships (not really I think). what is other than professional knowledge,hmm. OK this idea is just for knowledge

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10 Re: Writing an essay 1 on Thu Jan 26, 2012 12:43 pm

Gotta tell ya that this topic essay made me bored to death. / Game over for this writing

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